…the conscience…another variable…

Hello reader, i hope you are fairing better than most…i’m in a wierd place(in my head) to say the least but there is something about this thing we call the call the conscience that i would like to share with you…hey you might even pick a nugget or two of inspiration to be a tad more peacefull after reading through this…maybe i have always known this, maybe i just blocked the realisation thus far…but all the same…it hit me recently…

….i was having a conversation recently with a very close friend of mine…one i think i should i share with youor atleast the gist of it (am talking about the conversation.. 😀 ).

Well, sometimes we(humans) find ourselves in very difficult circumstances, circumstances that offer very few possible ways out…sometimes these ways seem at odds with our conscience…or at least at first. For some reason, if we stay in the said circumstances for long enough…within ourselves we start to rationalize the solutions, we begin to “look at the bright side”…and begin to believe the formerly unacceptable ‘solutions’are rather “not so bad after all”. Am not sure you have been to such ‘places’ in your life but if you have, you might understand first hand what am talking about.
When we were having this conversation it occured to me that, although i live my life by a few principles (dont we all?!)…one of the most important bieng; i won’t do something or say something if it will put my self and my conscience at odds…i consider peace with my conscience with high regard…a sort of standard with which to determine and or establish right from wrong in a society where the two are more variable with each coming day. the general assumption that many people make, like i did, is to think that our conscience -for those that are ruled by it- is stable…a sort of almanac or oracle that has on it imprinted the truth and way by which the path of  life shall be established…well, it could be all the above…and maybe more, but, it does change…the standards of the conscience are almost always established by the concerns of the self, you probably dont agree,i dint at first, but humour me…

When an individual is placed in a dark place(literaly) not exactly pitch black (because in the path of life that can only be likened to death)….but rather what we can call darkness (as in a room with the light turned off), if this individual assuming normal sight, is left in there, at first, it will be dark and the said individual will not be able to distinguish matter from space…or not be able to see a thing…but keep them in the dark for long enough and something interesting happens…the person will start to ‘see’…the individual will start to make out forms and if they can stay in there longer and they can clearly distinguish even the chair from the table…and even move  around with relative ease…now enter a small ray of light from a nail hole…and it can almost illuminate the entire room…when the person is re-exposed to light (what was normal before) it is much brighter than normal, infact its very blinding…the said individual sort of evolves to pick the smallest light to light his/her darkness.

Not with standing the lesson that lies in the above experiment for us all as humans about how we react to hard times it turns out that the eyes “of the flesh” have alot in common with the conscience or “the eyes of the soul”…in fact it sort of explains the allusion in the quoted text…they both adjust to circumstance!!

As i realised, the conscience, if exposed to ‘darkness’ for a time long enough for its very principles to be challenged as the perception of the eyes is challenged in the dark room, something interesting happens….the standards have a shift…sometimes a major one…what formerly seemed imperceptible and unnacceptable seems to gel with reality and take on a shine of practicality…a shine that sort of gives it a glossy acceptability and rationale that with time even prods the self with a sense or urgency…or to say it differently the person begins to wonder why in the heavens they did not do this or that earlier…infact they can’t even explain it to themselves why they were so ‘uptight this whole time’…i mean what could possibly be wrong about this?!’

In my own experience, life is pretty messed up living on the other side of my conscience…its a feat i have failed to pull off, but there seems to be a rather interesting twist to this, the conscience and its principles are not that static, as it turns out, and if you are in a dark place long enough, and the options marked ‘exit’ are not so man the conscience will and usually find a way to make one or even a few of the options perfectly ok…or in other words…your conscience allows you to live with yourself comfortably after choosing what may have been, prior to the ‘darkness” rather ‘off the table’ or at odds with your personal standards of morality and or ideaology (or whatever rationale you live by).

I am not trying to, by means of this article justify the actions of most perverts, thieves and or murderers….or that sort of thing, although in watching some testimonies and life parodies of convicts, i have come to draw a parallel with what i’m talking about here. Maybe this has happened to you, maybe its yet to, but all in all sometimes your conscience will let you go places you would never consider…actually more often than not, you will be suprised at how far this can stretch. Like i like to say…”if someone spends too long in a dark place, their perception of brightness can be quite dramatically altered”…

Maybe this is why we wonder if some people even have a conscience…or wonder how ‘he can live with himself’…maybe that person has some sort of ratioanalle offered by his conscience…maybe just maybe…if you dont judge her for leaving him or marrying her…or even ‘going against her very nature’…maybe just maybe…we should stop and think are they at peace with their conscience?…When was the last time you were at peace with yours…are you still making excuses about one thing or the other….are you still pretending not to see that door marked ‘exit’ because you  worry you might not be able to live with yourself if you use it…really?…is that true??…is that really what that ‘little voice’ is saying…that you’ll be damned to a self loathing existance…are you sure…is that dark room better than the brightness behind that door…or are you just scared of that initial pain in your eyes when the light comes streaming in…are you getting too comfortable in darkness…or do you still have it in you to walk back into the light??…its all up to you…one way or the other…if you search your self well…there is a respose one that your self has been trying to deliver to you urgently…all you have to do is let it…search it…

Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately), this atricle like many others i have written or will write ends in a rather socratic manner…i do not offer advice here…i do not even pretend to offer expert analysis…i’m just a guy that happened to have a conversation on an abstract subject whose realisations i felt it necessary to share…if you are still looking for the point of this, go back to begining, i think you might have missed it…maybe there is none…or maybe thats the point in itself…you decide…just make sure when you leave wherever it is you are reading this from, you leave with a clean conscience…make that call…call that bluff if you have to…just be at peace…its more blissfull than its made out to be in the media…lol!

In the words of Bob Marley…emancipate yourself from mental slavery…may you be at peace with yourself…always!!

Tzar.